There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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