So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
