you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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