Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
