I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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