Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
