She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
