Grow some girl-balls and come out already
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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