Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
