I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
