The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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