next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
