I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Randomize
