No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
