She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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