College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
