Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
