Umm I'm too high to move.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
