I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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