i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just want nice things and good sex
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
