we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
