when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
