He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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