make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
