Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
