Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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