I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
