Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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