I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
