He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize