Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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