is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
