i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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