The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
