Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
