More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
