the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
