I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
