i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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