eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
