you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
