So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
