Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
