I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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