Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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