he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
