There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize