home. puking in laundry basket.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
