just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
