We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize