Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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