I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
