new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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