Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
