these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
