You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
