I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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