I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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