as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
