I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
