Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
