i don't like sucking hair
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
