shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize