i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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