dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize