dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
