This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
