pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
