I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
please come you make the beer taste better
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
