I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
