I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize