I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
