i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
