do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
