Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize