I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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