you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
