apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
