I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
