Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel great
I just peed on a car
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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