the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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