are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
