I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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