Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just invented taco cereal.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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