wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
