a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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