My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
