I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
